Review Submitted By:
Started on Hell
: September, 2010
Jan 21, 2011
TMC Listing: Hell
The following review is the opinion of the review's author [Luwinkle]
and in no way represents the opinions of this website or its staff.
I've played many MUDs over the past 12 years and Hell was one of
the more interesting.
I put off playing Hell for a while because I never tried a MOO
before. But it has guns and other such stuff I like so I figured I'd
give it a shot. When you first make your character (after requesting a
temporary password that is sent to your e-mail) you start out as an
orphan. Ten years old, low stats, no skills, no equipment, etc. About
five minutes after emerging from the 'orphan hole' I was promptly
grabbed by a player and raped(and I mean actual rape). I should have
left right then and there, but I didn't. And oh yeah, to become a
non-orphan you have to 'grow up'. This involves finding the museum
basement (if you don't get raped/killed a few times in the meantime)
and killing or 'performing oral services' on an NPC to be allowed to
the room where you can start actually creating a character.
That's one thing you should know about Hell..it's a VERY
'adult-themed' world. However, as I later found out, the 'MUST BE
EIGHTEEN OR OVER' rule isn't enforced, ever. One of the
somewhat-sane(very few of those) admins flat out told me that,
personally. That's right..minors are subjected to rampant drug use,
alcoholism, rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, etc. etc. Hell
has all that and much, much more.
After a few weeks of trying to get stronger but constantly being
ganged up on and all of my stuff stolen (and my apartment robbed) I
got tired of actually trying to PLAY Hell and decided to just hang
around in my apartment and talk to some of the very few decent people
on there. You see Hell is populated by Somethingawful goons and 4chan
addicts. And the result is exactly as you'd expect. There are a few
good people on there, but they are few and far between and they
don't last long (every single one of the people I used to talk to no
longer play). The majority of the people are 'griefers' which are
pretty much kids that were picked on too much in high school and feel
the need to try to get back at society by being jerks on the internet.
Sometimes it can be funny, but most of the time it isn't. A few days
ago I made a new character to try to 'get back into' Hell. It lasted
about an hour or two before I was again overly bored and didn't feel
like doing jack-all but sitting in my apartment and talking over the
Now, with the normal clientele Hell attracts there are quite a bit of
immature arguments and jokes slung around. However, you better make
sure you know who is listening in and who the joke is aimed toward.
Today one of the head Wizards (which outrank admins) made yet another
controversial decision and the entire place went into an uproar. In
the newbie corporation (don't refer corporations as a guild/clan
unless you want to die..a lot) we were jokingly brainstorming ways
to 'deal with the problem'. I made a joke about molotov
cocktails(tame by Hell standards), someone else made a joke about
killing the admin in his sleep. Now I was gone for a few hours but
during those few hours that convo was leaked and I was falsely accused
for the sleep-killing bit. I came back on to everyone wanting me dead
and to an overly emotional/hysterical (not in a funny sense) admin. I
tried to speak with that admin to calmly and maturely explain that
what I said was merely a joke and that I didn't say the death-threat.
The only response I got was 'shut the *expletive* up' and all of my
characters were promptly banned over a false accusation by a
abusive/emotionally disturbed admin. Thus ends my adventures in Hell.
But before I end this I shall talk about the admins/wizards a little
bit. Most of them are good, however, there are quite a few
knee-jerking overly-emotional (read: EMO) types that are slowly
dooming the game. One of the head admins himself (the one in question
in the paragraph above) had said that he didn't care about new
players since most of them leave within 6 months anyway. Which is
proven in his, and other admins', latest decisions..which are turning
gameplay, especially for new players, into a chore instead of a fun
activity. The numbers of players are steadily dropping and if Hell
stays on this current path it probably won't be around too much
longer. Which really is a shame since it's a game with quite a bit
of potential. But just like most games that have the best potential
these days they are ruined by leadership that care nothing about the
players. Not to mention the knee-jerk reactions when it comes to
'balance' or when suddenly deeming something against the rules even
though it didn't say anything about it in the rule help file. Once
something is deemed 'overpowered' they gank it into uselessness.
Now when the denizens of Hell find out about this review I'll likely
be insulted, threatened, etc. behind my back. As has happened with
previous Hell reviews. I'll also probably be permanently banned if
I'm not already. It is with this that I can not recommend this game
to anyone. That is..unless you frequent Somethingawful's forums
and/or 4chan and were repeatedly picked on in school.
Thus is Hell.