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I played a mud once where the PC minotaurs would automatically defecate. The feces was able to be picked up and thrown. They also had a cursed object called herpes that you could 'give' to other people but you still didn't lose it yourself (You got this object by fooling around with the old prostitute behind the not-so-secret curtain of a grubby old inn).

Though I was partially disgusted by these things, It's this kind of irreverent humor hidden in the tiniest details that attracted me to that particular game.

I wonder if anyone else has similar experiences, features intended to be funny or features that could be used in humorous ways...

We once had two items restrung as "oral sex".. and so you would see "Tina gives Billy oral sex." Eventually, someone made one for anal.

Was it a DBZ mud ran by 14 year olds where you saw those two items?

Must have had a lot of mud sex going on. I never got how someone could subject theirselves to that sort of behavior on a mud, I can't say that reading text ever really turned me on. I must be missing out on a whole lot. :(

I wish Billy could have given me Anal sex. What mud is that so I can go see if Billy is still around?

Still more cracks on DBZ MUDs, get a life, loser. Now back to the topic...

Some interesting/funny features my MUD has are Bum Fights(temp taken out), Dogs pissing on hydrants, throwing just about any object you can find(mailboxes, trash cans, shopping carts), drug dealing, MOB gang fights, and even your local fast food joint with all the typical downsides that come along with them.

As for some funny features I've seen on some other MUDs...

Eh..I don't know...I don't play other MUDs really. Oh yea, don't forget to turn this topic into a huge flame about me, it's cool, didn't you know? Or you could just ignore my post, yea that sounds good, do that.

Here's a couple of the ones we have on AU.

If you pour alcohol on a fire, it flares up and burns you depending on the proof of the alcohol.

Bludgeon is a game where people run around with hammers in their hands trying to hit each other on the head. Once hit on the head, the target randomly teleports to another room.

In that vein I remember playing a mud where the immortal's thought it was funny to force you to 'remove brain' or 'drop brain' at which point you receive the message, 'You don't seem to be using a brain', or 'You don't have a brain'.

Childish, yes- but funny nontheless.

Wow Vanquish, guess someone hit a nerve. No-one here, except you, has suggested that any of this might be turn-on... I bet Freud would have a field day with you!

Eh..I don't know...I don't play other MUDs really. Oh yea, don't forget

On the topic of psychology, I always find it odd when someone writes a post laden with the kinds of interjections that go on in your head when you think about what to write or say. Of course I do it all the time as well but you would think with the infinite amount of time you have to express your meaning in a post you could pare down the content-less ramble before the final draft. I wonder what makes us do that?

Still more cracks on DBZ MUDs, get a life, loser. Now back to the topic...

Ok... wait for it...

Some interesting/funny features my MUD has are Bum Fights(temp taken out), Dogs pissing on hydrants, throwing just about any object you can find(mailboxes, trash cans, shopping carts), drug dealing, MOB gang fights, and even your local fast food joint with all the typical downsides that come along with them.

Ah, there you go... Vanquish's point proven. Thanks.

Oh yea, don't forget to turn this topic into a huge flame about me, it's cool, didn't you know?

No need, you have this inexplicable habit of proving someone's point beyond the need to reiterate :p

Force all remove brain? I'll have to try that one...

Personally, I prefer:

Force all drop life

(Which effectively send out: You don't seem to have a life. Of course, this may
cut a little too close to the bone...)

On the mush I'm currently coding, I've included all the old Infocom commands:

XYZZY
hello sailor
and if someone says grue, the game spits out a funny reply


Nothing that really enhances/subtracts from gameplay, just funny messages.

On a MUD I used to play/Imm for, they have a "defecate" command which would make your char squat down and take a dump (but you could only use it once a day I believe).

Oddly enough, they made the item (a piece of XXXX) wearable as face armor. I could see if they made it something you could throw at someone, or kick at someone, but wear as a mask??? Ewwwww.

At any time in many of the tick spots there would be piles of chit. Each one identified by the character. (ie: You see a piece of Arikin's chit, a piece of Armand's chit.) The You see description of items on the ground could often get extremely long.

Many times I'd take one of my storage chars (this game didn't have storage rooms at the time, and it cost 1 Million gold to get a player shop) and pick up all the pieces of chit and other stuff throughout the game (and there was ALOT of stuff always left on the ground), take it to a dump room, drop it all, and gain 5 gold for each thing dropped. In the space of an hour of doing so, I made over $10K gold just by dumping chit, broken stuff, weapons no one wanted (short swords, small knives, bo sticks, etc), different bags, 1st level spell wands, and 1st level scrolls, etc. The stuff which could be sold (often for 10-50 gp usually) I'd sell at a pawn shop.

Yet for some reason people always wondered how I always had a lot of gold while they didnt. LOL. (I guess they don't realize that taking 15 mins of your time to do it, and netting 3K gold or more each time, every 3 hrs or so actually adds up.

Many times I'd take one of my storage chars (this game didn't have storage rooms at the time, and it cost 1 Million gold to get a player shop) and pick up all the pieces of chit and other stuff throughout the game (and there was ALOT of stuff always left on the ground), take it to a dump room, drop it all, and gain 5 gold for each thing dropped.

That's pretty awesome. Not only are you getting paid 5 gold for feces, but you are getting paid 5 gold for someone elses feces.

Also, I think that's a pretty cool idea for gameplay value, a little on the gross side, but overall pretty cool. I mean, you have to eat, drink, and sleep in a MUD, how come you never have to use the restroom? I know when I finish off a canteen of water, I usually have to go urinate. Or, when I stay out all night at the bar with my half elven friends I have to use the restroom a few times. =P

All in all: Funny command, cool feature.

It's funny how often 'Mud humour' is evolving around feces.

Our mud actually HAS a restroom, but not implemented as code - (I bet that would make players leave) - only as a joke in one of the zones. If you enter a certain room outside a bar, it starts sending you messages about how you need to go to the toilet. Like hunger and thirst messages they grow more consistent, and unless you actually enter the adjoining restroom, you'll end up peeing in your pants. A bit childish, I admit, but maybe us mud people are still at the anal stage of humour.

Incidentally we also have cows that produce feces, and the dried cow dung can be collected and sold to the nomads, who use it as fuel.

We also have things like Love potions that actually work, a gossiping mob that tells you stories about the more wellknown players, a giant snake that will swallow you whole if you attack him, dynamite that blows you sky high if you hold it after the fuse started ticking, fake items with insane stats that turn into something else when you try to use them, and a lot of teleport items that emit silly messages when used.

Some people like it, other hate it. I guess what is humour to one person is just plain stupid to others.

But I seriously wish more people would apply some humour when mudding. It always boggled me how people can take a game so seriously.

> Our mud actually HAS a restroom, but not implemented as
> code - (I bet that would make players leave) - only as a
> joke in one of the zones.

I once heard of a mud which had a toilet 'room' - while there, you regenerated exceptionally fast. Players would often queue up outside, waiting their turn for a quick heal. I must admit I found the idea quite amusing ;)


Here are some of the more humorous messages from my mud:


> ignore kavir

Why not just ask yourself politely to stop sending yourself tells?

> tell kavir please stop sending me tells

You cannot tell yourself anything you don't already know.

> gender female

The bulge in your trousers recedes as you fill out your shirt and become a woman.

> gender male

A bulge forms in your trousers as your stretched shirt recedes and you become a man.


And from combat:


You leap at the hungry zombie.

You hurtle into the hungry zombie, knocking it off its feet.

You bite a huge chunk out of the hungry zombie's head!
The hungry zombie's body goes limp.
You earn zero Primal points!

You land, your paws slamming down on the sand.

The hungry zombie crashes to the sand.

You throw up violently, spraying the hungry zombie with vomit and chunks of rotting flesh.

Still more cracks on DBZ MUDs, get a life, loser. Now back to the topic...

Darkozx, I thought I recognized the mud in your signature. I bet your name at mudquest.org is timberbeard. If so, that must mean you are the one who said all those colorful words in your response towards the negative review the auditors gave towards your mud? Is a DBZ mud really worth getting that frustrated over?

I used to play a tolkin-based mud and they had a helpfile entry for "sex", saying something like: "We can't help you with that. Stop playing this silly game would be a good start."
They also had hawks you could give a message to and send them off to a player of your choice.

In most dikus:

- cast locate hell
Nothing like that in heaven or earth.

In the old "Nightmare" mudlib there were a few odd help file entries. Most were sensible, responses to players typing "help weapons", "help armour", "help combat", etc. But if you typed "help foo" it would tell you "It's very nice of you to help Foo." And my favourite was that if you typed "help borg" the response was "Help is irrelevant. You will be assimilated."

At the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I'd also like to cite some of my own work, namely my Wombat Farm. This was on a very old, quite small MUD using the LPMud 2.4.5 mudlib (very primitive!). At the farm one could purchase a number of different types of wombat to aid in adventuring, including:

- Pet Wombats (which would snuggle endearingly and trill when stroked)
- Luggage Wombats (large, stupid beasts of burden)
- Communications Wombats (able to carry messages to other players, or unexpectedly appear out of thin air and bite their ankles)
- Spy Wombats (equipped with a stealth mode, they could either stay in one place or follow another player and relay telepathically everything that happened around them)
- Advertising Wombats (ran from room to room once per heart-beat, announcing your chosen message in a loud voice)
- Battle Wombats (useful bodyguards)
- Armour-Plated Wombats (with extra protection)
- Yubi-Jutsu Wombats (skilled in martial arts)
- Elite Battle Wombats (lethal fighting machines!)
- And finally, for the richest players, there was the ultimate purchase, the Nuclear Wombat, which could metamorphose into a large humanoid capable of using armour and weapons, glow in the dark, or function under remote control (so a player could send it in to scout a dangerous area and have it report back on what it had found).

The Rock 2 mud (1998-2004) had frogs hopping around the newbie area that you could pick up and eat, boosting your agility quite a bit temporarily and restoring health. The frogs would try to flee the room whenever you entered, so you might have to corner them. Also, if you carry one around in your inventory too long, it says "Goodbye cruel world!" and commits suicide.

The MUD had a few powerful weapons that were pretty good for their level/pricerange. They were called: kilsum, kilmos, killol, kilnun. But actually, kilnuns were most powerful, followed by kilmos, kilsum, and then killol was actually stupidly weak. You could also wield body parts and frogs as weapons.

In the previous version, Rock 1, there was a "pawn" command that you could use to sell off items you couldn't carry for a fraction of the actual sale value. A messenger would run up to you, take the item, and give you a few gold in exchange. Allegedly, these pawned items end up in a hidden store called the "black market".

There were snakes. On a plain. Okay they weren't particularly fun to get poisoned by back then, but it seems funny now :) Another dangerous foe: getting trapped in a hall full of a few hundred little fuzzy creatures that do a few damage each, enough to tear you to pieces in a few steps. One puzzle: a retinal scanner that requires you to present an soldier's eyeball to get into the base.

"Jive mode". Changed game messages to things like "You jab your eye at the eastern wall" (peek).

One of the descs in Rock 1 was along the lines of: "a kobold draws a shortsword menacingly". In Rock 2, the kobold carries around a picture of a shortsword.

One of the player races was a giant rat-like creature with a special vomit attack consisting of regurgitated grape juice and stomach acid.

I built a maze where the way out was up up down down west east west east. This was mostly funny to me because only real nerds get the joke.

I also built a fork item that loads at a split in the road. The long descrip of the fork (what you see when you walk into the room) is:
You have come to a fork in the road.

My sense of humor is a bit dry, and perhaps twisted. I've borrowed a few things from Monty Python and Terry Pratchett - there's a man with a cart wandering around the main town yelling, "Bring out your dead!", and of course there are rabbits with BIG teeth. The magic shop is run by a "Wizzard" who flunked out of the mage school because he couldn't spell. There's a pearwood chest in the shop, as well. It's level 75 (we have 30 mortal levels).

In DeepMUD, you can hold things in both hands, which means you can fight with any object. If you attack a mangy cur with a steak though, he'll eat the steak. Of course, if it's been in your rucksack for weeks and has gone bad, the joke's on him - he'll be poisoned. :)

Our drunk code is funny, at least for bystanders. If you get drunk enough and try to move, you'll stagger out a random exit. Should you get too drunk, you'll fall down and sleep. If you wake drunk, you'll only sit up, and when you try to stand, you'll fall down and sleep again. If you're lucky, a friend will bring you some coffee.

"up up down down west east west east"

Contra?

This wasn't a feature but one of my best mazes I built was for the highest level training on a mud I used to work on....the whole thing was underwater, and led to an underwater city of sea elves. If they couldn't breathe water, they of course drowned...but thats besides the point. The hidden, concealed and invisible entrance was at the exact place they entered. If they were able to see invisible, all they had to do is type "down" and poof, they were in the city. Otherwise, they kept walking through the maze with every room description the exact same, exactly the same monsters, exits, etc. They all even had down exits that were hidden/invisible/concealed but in those other rooms, they led to some random part of the maze.

Of course, in my first area I ever built over a decade ago...I killed two of the main immortals (called DMs) when they tested it. Was funnier then hell when "###Sadly, (Immortal) died." or "###Sadly, (Immortal) was killed by (monster)." and all the mortals were broadcasting to the whole MUD things like "Holy crap, if that's a new area, I hope I never find it". Amazingly, even the immortals apparently didn't read descriptions, or they wouldn't have died the several times they did. They also never lived it down...

"up up down down west east west east" = "up up down down left right left right" Fairly generic, in my opinion, cheat code for a number of games on early consoles. It may have been a reference to a specific one, but only the creator could tell you.